i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
