i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
