just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
