I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize