Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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