so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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