i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
