dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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