if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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