new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
