That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
