new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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