No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
