do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
