She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
