i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
