handjob tips. give me some.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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