I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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