My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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