i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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