mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
