Whod you bang
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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