I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
