i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
