I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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