My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
