Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
