Are we in a gay sports bar?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
