So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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