I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
