Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
