do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So much Jack, so little girl.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
