No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
