there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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