Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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