Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My vagina is officially offended.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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