I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
try to milk me bitch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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