i just had sex bonerless
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This baby is an asshole
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
