sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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