Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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