You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
