She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Randomize
