The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
