I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
