Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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