I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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