Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
