I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
