mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
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