Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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