Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He has the fingertips of a God
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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