i think my tv is drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
