I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize