she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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