Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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