he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
