you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
