have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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