I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
