A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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