Duck Duck Cougar?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
