May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
should my penis look like a turkey
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
