i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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