Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
