fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
