she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
