You're so nebulous sometimes
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
