HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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