how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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