i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
