were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
