I feel like abortions should bother me more
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
