How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this boner is exhausting
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
