so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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