this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sorry about my life...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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