I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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