i wish my penis had a tongue
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
