I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
