how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
