So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
