Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Randomize
