There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize