Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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