she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
