So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have tasted many bathrooms
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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