and you said cock pushups were impossible
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
