what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
