I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
