Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
