I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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