i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
