just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
