Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
