I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize