Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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